March 01, 2005


I am finally home and back @ work today, I been on a somewhat vacation, I say somewhat because this was not a vacation I had planned or wanted to take and one I wish I did not need to take. Unfortunately there are some things we have no control over and one of those things is when it is our time there is very little we can do. That time came last month for my Mother, who died at the young tender age of 53. The loss of a parent is not anything one can prepare for or truly comprehend until it actually happens. My mother had been sick for well over a year from various illnesses that are irrelevant to what I am writing in this piece but may be a part of what I write in the future.

My mom was the proud mother of five, four boys and one girl. I being the youngest or as I use to say to her in jest, the end of her quest to have a great child and after four tries she finally did it. This was said in response to constant reference to me being the "baby" and anyone who is the youngest child of their mother knows that to her you never stop being the "baby". My mother struggled with five children, all of whom were born by her twenty second birthday. This did not stop my mother from parenting her children to a point where sometimes her parenting was outright abusive by today's standards but yet so necessary to ensure our safety and development. There are some things my mother instilled in me that to this day are a part of my life and helped me become who I am today.

My mom was part of the first generation in our family living in the north after leaving the south in the 1950's. My mother married only once in her life and I think after that marriage failed she lost all desires to be married again. She was not an educated woman by any means but she managed to educate her children as best she could. She had the unfortunate task of burying two of her sons and we all know that there is not anything worse for a parent than burying one of their children.

My youngest son had the privilege of being under the tutelage of my mom for the past five years and having not met any of my grand parents I wanted him to have that influence in his life. He is too young to fully understand what has happen just yesterday he asked where is Grand-Ma? and I had to explain all over again that she will not be coming home. I am certain he will ask again just as the thought of my mother not being here anymore constantly runs through my mind.

All of those whom I have spoken with that has lost a parent spoke of having the same feelings I had following the death of my mother. We all know death is inevitable and that one day we will die as well, but yet when one whom we love dearly dies we react as if death is not a part of our life cycle albeit the end. I have found in dealing with my mother’s death it is the finiteness of death which causes us the most heartache. There is no coming back; we are left with great memories and no chance to have more memorable moments and having to speak about what my Mother use to say and use to do and love is something I will have to get use to doing.

She is most certainly missed by me and my remaining sibling and our extended family and she will lives on through us.

(I turned comments off for this post and I accept that all who will read this sends their condolences)


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